After going through a few hundreds of thousands of resumes this month, I have to say, it's absolutely horrific what some people write. I can't imagine why people would ever write these things knowing that an employer might read it. Believe it or not, here's a small sample of what real people have written and been submitting at large:

Personal strength:

- I only procrastinate when I have to make a decision.
- you shuld give me the job cos i am reely gude at everithing i do
- i'm honest and reliable. my wife has just left me, I burnt down my house and I've got a drink and drugs problem
- For the last twelve years I have been involved in gang crime including burglary, drug dealing, extortion, armed robbery and internet scams. With such insider information I would make an ideal politician

Summary:

- Desperate to find work. I've been fired from my last 5 jobs.
- Will give you 110% as long as it doesn't interfere with my social life

Sex:

- Twice a week with different partners.
- Not yet but still hopeful.

Objective:

- Something more interesting than my last job.

References:

- My mother.

Immigration status:

- Illegal. Need to find work immediately before I get deported.

Education:

- High school. Dropped out so I can be like Bill Gates.
- Harvard. I'm a janitor there.

Hobbies:

- Smoking weed
- Drinking
- Loose women
- Stealing cars
- Graffiti

Reason for leaving:

- My boss. He says I'll do better elsewhere.

Age:

- Legal to drink and smoke.

Experience:

- I don't have any, that's why I want a job with your company.

Marital status:

- Unknown.

Passport:

- I'm using my brother's currently.

Relevant Work Experience:

- Went to the office every day on time.
- Counted paper clips.
- Hung out at the water cooler.